She came in on a Wednesday

She came in on a Wednesday and into our lives in a huge way.

We thought she would grow up without us and never know us. But, we were wrong and never more glad of it.
She is a darling of a person with a little sweet spirit about her that can't really be described. She wakes up happy and goes to bed the same.

If only my spirit was like that. .

It reminds me of song by Enya called Return to Innocence. How I long to be like her in being trusting and full of love.
I hope that she remains that way, that her spirit never changes and nobody ever hurts her like most people have been hurt. I hope she can maintain that innocence throughout her life.
I hope she can dream and accomplish anything she wants and is successful at whatever she does.

I'm definitely pulling for her.

She came in on a Wednesday and I hope she never leaves.

Now I know

Now I know how my father felt.

He had headaches for 3 years. He went to doctors and told them he didn't feel right and they never found anything wrong with him. I'm sure that must have frustrated him greatly.
I know somewhat how he must have felt.

After 3 years, they finally found he had a brain tumor. He basically just laid down and died at that point.
I didn't respect him for just quitting and not fighting. I was a grown man but wasn't ready to give up a father. In fact, it wasn't until later years that I had gained something of a relationship with him.
I am thinking he was tired. In my opinion he was tired of working, tired of fighting life and ready to go.
It made me angry that he didn't at least try to get up.

Everyone talked of letting him die with dignity. That's ok, but I wanted him to get up and try to win this fight.
He didn't, and I was not happy about it.

I do think now that I do know a little more about what he must have felt.

It's been a long time since I have felt really right. I went to doctors for quite a while before an ambulance driver told me I had Atrial Fibrilation. I don't know if I spelled that right, but I have heard that 2 million people have A-Fib.
I'm still not sure they got things right and it's hard to believe that a non-doctor figured it out while the real doctors did nothing.
But, I don't feel like myself and haven't for a long, long time.

I don't have a brain tumor, but at least this has helped me understand somewhat how my father must have felt.

Get Up Champ!

Probably nobody remembers the movie called Champ from years ago and it didn't exactly win any Oscar's. But, it was a pretty touching flick.

Jon Voight played an over the hill boxer and Ricky Schroeder played his son of about 7 years of age. Jon Voight's character is a single father and is pretty close to his son.

Honestly, I don't really remember that much about the movie except the ending.

The Voight character takes a fight and is beaten, in fact he is killed in the ring. They have him laying on a table and the young son is screaming at him, 'get up champ' over and over again. Pretty touching.

Jon Voight wasn't a champ in this movie but a washed up has been, or even a never was. But, to his son, he was champ.

The same is true for all of us in this life. We are a champ to somebody and somebody wants us to get up and continue the fight.
Sometimes it feels easier to just lay there, but we need to get up and continue the fight.



SO, GET UP CHAMP!!!!!

This has nothing to do with those lame Morningstar guys that used the word champ waaaaayyyy to often.

Adelaide

OK, I have to tell you I am a little biased.

The girl in the picture above is the cutest and the sweetest girl I have ever seen. I just think she may be the best girl in the history of mankind.

But, as I said, I am a little biased.

She is my granddaughter and is coming back to the states very soon.

I have held my tongue long enough and I wanted the parents of this sweet, sweet girl to do as they wished. But, I am really, really glad this darling of a girl will be coming back where her grandparents can see her a lot more.

She is learning to say words and sentences and even to swim and I want to be around to see at least a whole bunch of it.

What a great day for her grandparents when we get to see her again. I have never punched her grandmother, but may throw down on her if she gets in my way when the girl is in sight.

On the other hand, as a big fan of defense, I plan on keeping my guard up when her grandmother lays eyes on her as well.

Can't wait to see her.

Foghat

No song symbolizes my high school days more than Slow Ride by Foghat.

I don't really know what the song means so much, but nearly every car that drove up in those days had Slow Ride playing in the 8 track player.
The movie about high school in Texas in the 70s called Dazed and Confused actually played the song near the end. Classic.

Speaking of Dazed and Confused, when I watched this movie the first time I laughed pretty much the entire way through. The reason I laughed was not because the movie is a comedy but because I knew people like most of the characters and I lived through most of the experiences. I can't say looking back that those were great times, but those time were life. I wouldn't recommend doing anything in that movie, but no movie I have seen is more like what really happened than Dazed and Confused.
I don't think we had as much weed as those guys did, but it was a strong presence at any party you were lucky enough to attend and everyone was doing it.
That includes people like former president Bill Clinton and the preps.

I admit that I didn't participate much in that.

But, that will be our little secret.

Rally Cap

My new favorite advertisement on the tube talks about America needing to rally from behind and put on our rally caps.
It's long been a tradition in baseball to turn your cap inside out and come from behind and the ad hits it right on the head.
I'm not sure the ad really works because I don't really remember what they are selling.

But, it works on my attitude.

I am ready to put on my rally cap and begin my come back.

I still have to wait a little while, but a rally is coming.

Take my word on that, suckas.

Fighting off Bitterness

I am fighting this morning, really I am.

I am fighting off feelings of bitterness and despair.

To be so close and to have things go down like they did was stunning. I am still in sort of a state of shock. Yet, there's nothing I can do about it until a few events take place.
I wait and I wait.

I can't say how many times in a period of waiting that I wish I could go back and change things.


Lawyers don't like returning phone calls or emails. It's a situation where they just think they are a little smarter and and a little better than you, so they make you wait and wait.
They really aren't as busy as they pretend. A lot of people don't return phone calls or emails and it's annoying, but when you pay somebody for services and they don't bother with you it is beyond words.


One day the waiting will be over and I can begin again. In the meantime, I wait and I wait.

But, right now, it is so frustrating.

I am a human being with rights and feelings. I want to pick up the pieces and move on, yet I wait and I wait.

In reality, I have got everything I need and I am finding I need less and less every day. So, I also fight feelings of guilt because so many don't have what I have.

But, you're missing the point. My heart was to help those that don't have. My plan was to be able to give, but now I am no longer a threat to give.
Some day, maybe, but in the meantime I must wait. High and mighty lawyer may help out some day if I prod and poke enough, but in the meantime he doesn't seem to realize again that I am a person with a pumping heart who has a desire to do something more than wait for the mess to be over with.

So, this morning, I am fighting feelings of bitterness and despair.

I have no idea what the future will look like. I feel as if I will always be stuck in this place. Not just a geographical location, but in a place of waiting.
Bad people are not going to get another damned nickel out of me and if I have to go live in Europe with Gypsies then I am willing to do that just to spite.

Back to waiting.......