Now I know

Now I know how my father felt.

He had headaches for 3 years. He went to doctors and told them he didn't feel right and they never found anything wrong with him. I'm sure that must have frustrated him greatly.
I know somewhat how he must have felt.

After 3 years, they finally found he had a brain tumor. He basically just laid down and died at that point.
I didn't respect him for just quitting and not fighting. I was a grown man but wasn't ready to give up a father. In fact, it wasn't until later years that I had gained something of a relationship with him.
I am thinking he was tired. In my opinion he was tired of working, tired of fighting life and ready to go.
It made me angry that he didn't at least try to get up.

Everyone talked of letting him die with dignity. That's ok, but I wanted him to get up and try to win this fight.
He didn't, and I was not happy about it.

I do think now that I do know a little more about what he must have felt.

It's been a long time since I have felt really right. I went to doctors for quite a while before an ambulance driver told me I had Atrial Fibrilation. I don't know if I spelled that right, but I have heard that 2 million people have A-Fib.
I'm still not sure they got things right and it's hard to believe that a non-doctor figured it out while the real doctors did nothing.
But, I don't feel like myself and haven't for a long, long time.

I don't have a brain tumor, but at least this has helped me understand somewhat how my father must have felt.