Fighting off Bitterness

I am fighting this morning, really I am.

I am fighting off feelings of bitterness and despair.

To be so close and to have things go down like they did was stunning. I am still in sort of a state of shock. Yet, there's nothing I can do about it until a few events take place.
I wait and I wait.

I can't say how many times in a period of waiting that I wish I could go back and change things.


Lawyers don't like returning phone calls or emails. It's a situation where they just think they are a little smarter and and a little better than you, so they make you wait and wait.
They really aren't as busy as they pretend. A lot of people don't return phone calls or emails and it's annoying, but when you pay somebody for services and they don't bother with you it is beyond words.


One day the waiting will be over and I can begin again. In the meantime, I wait and I wait.

But, right now, it is so frustrating.

I am a human being with rights and feelings. I want to pick up the pieces and move on, yet I wait and I wait.

In reality, I have got everything I need and I am finding I need less and less every day. So, I also fight feelings of guilt because so many don't have what I have.

But, you're missing the point. My heart was to help those that don't have. My plan was to be able to give, but now I am no longer a threat to give.
Some day, maybe, but in the meantime I must wait. High and mighty lawyer may help out some day if I prod and poke enough, but in the meantime he doesn't seem to realize again that I am a person with a pumping heart who has a desire to do something more than wait for the mess to be over with.

So, this morning, I am fighting feelings of bitterness and despair.

I have no idea what the future will look like. I feel as if I will always be stuck in this place. Not just a geographical location, but in a place of waiting.
Bad people are not going to get another damned nickel out of me and if I have to go live in Europe with Gypsies then I am willing to do that just to spite.

Back to waiting.......