Fighting off Bitterness

I am fighting this morning, really I am.

I am fighting off feelings of bitterness and despair.

To be so close and to have things go down like they did was stunning. I am still in sort of a state of shock. Yet, there's nothing I can do about it until a few events take place.
I wait and I wait.

I can't say how many times in a period of waiting that I wish I could go back and change things.


Lawyers don't like returning phone calls or emails. It's a situation where they just think they are a little smarter and and a little better than you, so they make you wait and wait.
They really aren't as busy as they pretend. A lot of people don't return phone calls or emails and it's annoying, but when you pay somebody for services and they don't bother with you it is beyond words.


One day the waiting will be over and I can begin again. In the meantime, I wait and I wait.

But, right now, it is so frustrating.

I am a human being with rights and feelings. I want to pick up the pieces and move on, yet I wait and I wait.

In reality, I have got everything I need and I am finding I need less and less every day. So, I also fight feelings of guilt because so many don't have what I have.

But, you're missing the point. My heart was to help those that don't have. My plan was to be able to give, but now I am no longer a threat to give.
Some day, maybe, but in the meantime I must wait. High and mighty lawyer may help out some day if I prod and poke enough, but in the meantime he doesn't seem to realize again that I am a person with a pumping heart who has a desire to do something more than wait for the mess to be over with.

So, this morning, I am fighting feelings of bitterness and despair.

I have no idea what the future will look like. I feel as if I will always be stuck in this place. Not just a geographical location, but in a place of waiting.
Bad people are not going to get another damned nickel out of me and if I have to go live in Europe with Gypsies then I am willing to do that just to spite.

Back to waiting.......

Willard Tate

I am a rather forgettable fella, or so it seems sometimes. Nobody ever remembers me. I'm not writing this to have anyone feel sorry for me, but I re-introduce myself to people all the time. I can think of a few people that I have introduced myself to more than a couple of times.
I remembered them after meeting them the first, second and third time but I nearly always remember everybody.
Usually, I remember a person's face, but their name is sometimes a different story. Names can be difficult to recall.

I made up my mind several years ago that if I had to introduce myself to a person over 3 times, then the fourth time I am telling them a fake name because they aren't going to remember anyway.

Remembering people is important.

The great ones always remember people even having not seen them in years.


I ran into some old friends not long ago. We talked about life and caught up on family and things in general and they informed me that Willard Tate was sick, very sick with cancer.
I don't know Willard all that well, but he was my preacher many years ago. He also was a college basketball coach and a darn good one.

Willard was a coach, a preacher, and a college professor. As a professor, he taught every single freshman that went through his school. It wasn't a huge school, but not all that small either and he taught a class that they all went through. A lot of people went through that class, including my daughter, Tara.

Knowing all those freshmen, all those church members, all those basketball players and everybody else he ever had contact with and Willard Tate never once forgot my name.

I always admired him for that. Not only did he remember my name, but he took the time to say something nice to me.

I am a better person for having known Willard Tate.

Yesterday, I saw him at the local hardware store. He did not look so good and he didn't see me when he came in and went about his business.
This hardware store is small and I know all the employees and have known them for years. So, I always take time to visit with my friends about world events, mostly sports. As I was visiting with my friend and employee of the hardware store, Willard happened to make his purchase and was leaving.
I was almost surprised, although I don't know why, when he looked at me and called me by name.
I was so touched by this that I had to quickly make my way out of the store so nobody could see the tears coming to my eyes.

When you meet people, study their faces, most particularly their eyes. Their eyes never really change.
Study them, try hard to remember their names and find out something about them. Believe me when I tell you it may mean a lot to somebody some day when you are able to remember them and to call them by name.

Even after everything that Willard Tate has been through lately, he remembered me and my name and it meant a great deal to me.
A great person is somebody that made this world a better place, and for me, Willard Tate made this world a better place.

I know he will never read this. But, thanks, Willard for making my little piece of the world better.

Last of the Mohicans

Normally the book is better than the movie. Not so in this case. I read the book years ago and found it less than what I had hoped.
The movie, on the other hand, is far better than I had hoped.

The scenery, shot in North Carolina, is incredible.

What's sad about this tale, whether book or movie, is what is forgotten.

People from Europe came here in the 1600s and changed the North American continent.



I have always been fascinated with history, but particularly in the people that were here when the Europeans first came.
I'd love to know more about these people and their history.
Unfortunately, not much is known. They kept no written history and little remains of their existence.

A movie, or a book, like The Last of the Mohicans makes me very curious about the history of this country before the Europeans came.

It also makes me very sad because this country was changed forever.
A way of life was gone and people were mistreated badly.

Irregardless, The Last of the Mohicans is an excellent movie if for no other reason than the incredible scenery.

Born to be Wild

I've got to admit that nearly every time I go near Interstate 20 in my sorta home town, I get an itch to hit the road.
Maybe not on a hog, but something in me wants to just take off and drive and stop where I stop.

When I was young, I had a roommate from Michigan. He once brought up hitchhiking from Texas to Michigan with a slight detour through Colorado and the Rockies. Our final destination was to be the Lake of the Clouds in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I truly regret not just taking off. Would have been interesting to say the least.

Some of my favorite memories have been of travel and some of our best trips have been those where we just take off on a whim and stop when we want.
Once, the Cali Girl and I were childless and just took off for the mountains of New Mexico and just saw the sights. That was an outstanding vacation and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

One of my favorite things about this life is of the far blue mountains when they first come in to sight. A large part of me longs to see that right now.
Nothing is quite like the mountains.

When our kids were little, we would wake up really early in the morning and get in the car. Usually on these trips, we had a destination in mind, but the kids went right back to sleep and I got to watch the sunrise while traveling down the old highway.
Great memories.
Our kids never cared about any scenery once we got there. But, hey, I liked the scenery so it was worth it.


Cali Girl is in South Carolina and having a great time. I am home alone and working like a dog. But, my time is coming.

Some day we are just going to take off and see what's out there. It's gonna happen.

Anybody out there?

My blogs kind of died out because of sickness, distractions, and just being plain old tired.

Seems like a ghost town around here, but that was never the reason I wanted to blog anyway.

I promise to do better in the days ahead.