She came in on a Wednesday and into our lives in a huge way.
We thought she would grow up without us and never know us. But, we were wrong and never more glad of it.
She is a darling of a person with a little sweet spirit about her that can't really be described. She wakes up happy and goes to bed the same.
If only my spirit were the same.
It reminds me of song by Enya called Return to Innocence. How I long to be like her in being trusting and full of love.
I hope that she remains that way, that her spirit never changes and nobody ever hurts her like most people have been hurt. I hope she can maintain that innocence throughout her life.
I hope she can dream and accomplish anything she wants and is successful at whatever she does.
I'm definitely pulling for her.
She came in on a Wednesday and I hope she never leaves.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Now I know
Now I know how my father felt.
He had headaches for 3 years. He went to doctors and told them he didn't feel right and they never found anything wrong with him. I'm sure that must have frustrated him greatly.
I know somewhat how he must have felt.
After 3 years, they finally found he had a brain tumor. He basically just laid down and died at that point.
I didn't respect him for just quitting and not fighting. I was a grown man but wasn't ready to give up a father. In fact, it wasn't until later years that I had gained something of a relationship with him.
I am thinking he was tired. In my opinion he was tired of working, tired of fighting life and ready to go.
It made me angry that he didn't at least try to get up.
Everyone talked of letting him die with dignity. That's ok, but I wanted him to get up and try to win this fight.
He didn't, and I was not happy about it.
I do think now that I do know a little more about what he must have felt.
It's been a long time since I have felt really right. I went to doctors for quite a while before an ambulance driver told me I had Atrial Fibrilation. I don't know if I spelled that right, but I have heard that 2 million people have A-Fib.
I'm still not sure they got things right and it's hard to believe that a non-doctor figured it out while the real doctors did nothing.
But, I don't feel like myself and haven't for a long, long time.
I don't have a brain tumor, but at least this has helped me understand somewhat how my father must have felt.
He had headaches for 3 years. He went to doctors and told them he didn't feel right and they never found anything wrong with him. I'm sure that must have frustrated him greatly.
I know somewhat how he must have felt.
After 3 years, they finally found he had a brain tumor. He basically just laid down and died at that point.
I didn't respect him for just quitting and not fighting. I was a grown man but wasn't ready to give up a father. In fact, it wasn't until later years that I had gained something of a relationship with him.
I am thinking he was tired. In my opinion he was tired of working, tired of fighting life and ready to go.
It made me angry that he didn't at least try to get up.
Everyone talked of letting him die with dignity. That's ok, but I wanted him to get up and try to win this fight.
He didn't, and I was not happy about it.
I do think now that I do know a little more about what he must have felt.
It's been a long time since I have felt really right. I went to doctors for quite a while before an ambulance driver told me I had Atrial Fibrilation. I don't know if I spelled that right, but I have heard that 2 million people have A-Fib.
I'm still not sure they got things right and it's hard to believe that a non-doctor figured it out while the real doctors did nothing.
But, I don't feel like myself and haven't for a long, long time.
I don't have a brain tumor, but at least this has helped me understand somewhat how my father must have felt.
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